A Moment of Thanks

From Layla Grace: Sleep, Valentines Day and Regrets:

Towards the end of a pregnancy, a mother will wake up to go to the bathroom every few hours. I think this is the body’s way of preparing you for a newborn and the sleepless nights that come along with it. Layla now spends most of her days sleeping. 30-45 minutes after she wakes up, she is ready to lay down and sleep again. Is this God’s way of preparing me for all the quiet time that is coming soon? The house is quiet. I am able to go through the motions of laundry, dishes, cooking and picking up without interruptions. But I WANT interruptions. I WANT Layla to be under my feet asking for cookies. I WANT to hear her playing with her toys. I WANT to take 45 minutes to unload the dishwasher because she keeps trying to help. For every time I uttered the words “I just can’t get anything done with these kids under my feet all day” I am eternally regretful. The days that I looked forward to naptime so I could get a grocery list made, or finally fold all the piles of laundry…I regret those days too. If I could do it all again, I’d enjoy EVERY SINGLE WAKING MOMENT I had with her. I would never wish for her to sit still or take a nap or go to bed early. I would never look forward to the days when she could sit through an entire episode of Dora silently. I would treasure every second with her.

My heart broke when I read this, not just because of little Layla Grace's passing, but because it was as if it spoke right to my face and reminded me to be thankful for my son every single day. I AM the mother who looks forward to nap time so I can have some "me" time; I beg for my son to sit still through anything; I have daily battles about the dishwasher – for all of the "annoyances" and all the times I've threatened to drive to the Safe Haven – I almost feel ashamed. While I complain about how my son upturned yet another bowl of blueberries, I need to remember the the fact that he is here, and he is a healthy and happy child, and that trumps all those "annoyances".

Thank you, Layla Grace, for reminding me not to sweat the small stuff. My thoughts are with the Marsh Family, and I wish for nothing more than the healing of their hearts and souls.