Spiteful Bitch

I sometimes miss the women in the PPD group I used to go to. With them, I didn't feel like such an outcast, and more importantly, I wasn't afraid to express my true feelings about parenthood.

It was nice to have other moms around who also felt like they didn't like their child at times. It was nice to know I wasn't the only one who questioned whether having a baby was the right choice. It was nice to be able to say what was on my mind without feeling like I was being judged negatively.

I know most parents have their bad moments. I know most get frustrated. But for me, "frustration" doesn't even begin to describe what I sometimes feel for my kid. I was so angry with him tonight that I took his chin so he'd look me right in the face, and I flat out said, "I DO NOT LIKE YOU RIGHT NOW." And I did it with the absolute intention of being a mean and spiteful bitch.

I'm always told that it gets better. But people have been telling me that for almost two years now, and while some things have gotten better, new annoyances have taken their place. Overall, it hasn't gotten better, and I'm afraid that it only gets worse. God help me.