This is Not for Me

The kid woke up before 5:30am and I've already gotten mad at him (for refusing to come when called to get his diaper changed - I just got irritated from waiting and how he never listens). This then set me in a foul mood before 8am. This may not be PPD, but maybe I need to go back to therapy and medication.

I'm always told that every mom has her bad days. Perhaps. But is it common to have so many bad days? Is it common to be constantly telling yourself, "This is not what I wanted. This is not the missing piece, this is not the one thing that makes me feel complete." Is it common to ask yourself, "Would you still have had him, had you known what you do now?" - and find it hard to answer "Yes."

I don't deny that there is a bond with my son that would kill me if we were permanently separated, but I also can't deny that he's the biggest reason I do not want to have any more children. I just don't want to go through all of this all over again.